School Daze: 2

A cloud of purple smoke vaguely resembling a boy and a teddy bear.

School Daze
Original Young Adult Fiction

Written by The Funk Mistress

Part Two

“So you were right?” asked DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon as he sat on their precious bench during lunch.

“What was that, Benny?” asked The Funk Mistress. “Could you repeat that?”

“I said you were right,” DJ Benvenuto mumbled.

“Yeah, that’s right I was! And what? And what?” The Funk Mistress tilted her head and taunted DJ Benvenuto.

DJ Wang gave her a shocked look. “Could you turn the ghetto down, just a little? It’s wilting the cacti.” That’s right, kiddies, the plural of cactus is cacti. And what? And what?

“Alright, alright. Everyone calm down,” motioned DJ Hadoken. “We need to think this through. Fuji, how long do you think it would take to write another manifesto?”

DJ Fuji the Man Scout rubbed his chin and thought for a moment. He then responded, “I don’t know if I could concoct a manifesto of this magnitude. We need something bigger. Something better. But what?”

Suddenly, Hulk Smash came charging up, “Hey! Don’t mix Gatorade and milk!”

A light bulb suddenly appeared over DJ Wang’s head. Literally. Except it was a holograph. (What? You mean you don’t have those too?) “Gather up the legions of Hulk Smashes,” he said. “General?”

The General spoke, “Yes sir?”

“Get your army. Today, we march on Pretty Boy’s office,” DJ Wang commanded.

“But sir, my army is lacking in man power. Few have signed up.”

DJ Wang insisted, “Well, then gather what you have. You can recruit more later. Make your website more interesting.” *It’s that time again boys and girls. No, not time for West Side Story Re-enactments. Time for a shameless pimpin’ of The General’s recruitment website. Why not?

In a blaze of glory, the Riaopians marched deep into the heart of the school’s main office. They would not be deterred. Nothing could keep them from their goal. They would conquer.

It was their time.

They would stop Pretty Boy.

They would stop Billy.

As they charged into the office, Pretty Boy’s chair was leaning with its back to them.

“Pretty Boy,” DJ Wang shouted. “Your time has come! We will not suffer under you harsh and color coordinated laws any more. Half of Cuba didn’t relocate to Miami just to put up with another dictator!”

The chair swiveled around to reveal not Pretty Boy, but Billy.

“I told you!” shouted The Funk Mistress. She stamped her foot for effect.

“I funking told you! I said they were working together! But did you believe me? Of course not! ‘No Funk Mistress, they can’t possibly be working together! You’re just imaging things.’ My arse I’m imagining things! Try to deny it now! Just try!”

“Shut up,” replied Billy. He looked to the RIA guys. “You actually wanted to raise a million dollars to save her? You’re all stupider than I thought.”

“Hey, don’t you dare say I’m not worth a million!” shouted The Funk Mistress in anger.

“Silence, village idiot!” Billy said, waving his hand in her face.

“You may be able to shut her up, but you can’t call us stupid,” DJ Fuji exclaimed. “Well, maybe Hulk Smash.”

“Wha-?” stammered Hulk Smash.

“Oh, you’re all plenty stupid. After all, you fell right into my little trap!” Billy squeeled with joy.

“What trap?” asked DJ Hadoken.

“This one!” shouted Billy. He pushed a button under the desk and a little door opened in the wall. He jumped through it, but not before pushing another little button.

The room filled with a purplish smoke as the door in the wall closed behind Billy.

“Can’t breathe,” stammered DJ Skittles.

Within moments, there were almost twenty kids passed out on the floor of Pretty Boy’s office.

Twenty kids passed out on his floor.

Yeah – Like that’s never happened before.


Tune in next week for part three of RIA’s amazing adventure, RIA: School Daze!

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