DJ Hadoken has this to say:
I went to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon today with DJ Fuji the Man Scout.
It was funky funky crazy-cool. DJ Fuji and I plan on attaining the knowledge necessary to fly, just like they do in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. After we attain this power, we will never again need to use lame planes. And we will pass the knowledge onto our disciples. Yes, we will have disciples. You cannot be a prophet without disciples. This will then cause the airline industry to go bankrupt, because of our spread of the flying technique.
Finally, we will go back in time and challenge Bruce Lee and fight him Matrix-style, which will put him to shame. But he might be so ashamed that he might be VERY LUGUBRIOUS. So we will feel bad, and give him a pretty pretty comb and tickets to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and everyone will be happy. Especially us, because hopefully the directors of Crouching Tiger would have noticed DJ Fuji and I’s natural talent. They will then take all the money that they gave to Chow Yun-fat (sp?) and use it to bribe us into starring in their next hit sequel: Crouching Fuji, Hidden Hadoken.
Yeah, that’s right. I can see the moneys rolling in now. I have always believed myself to be a natural-born kung fu action movie star.
When we first got to the mall, a bunch of lamesters asked us if we had “cotton candy”. Why, of course we had “cotton candy”. We had only just gotten down from DJ Fuji’s mom’s car. DJ Fuji was more than eager to eat “cotton candy” in front of his mother. It was too bad he had left his “cotton candy” in his other pants.
That was sarcasm.
RIA does not endorse “cotton candy”. If you are a lamester or eat “cotton candy” and we find out, we will kick you out of The Poss (if you are in it) and possibly send Bear-Hug Mon after you. Maybe you’ll end up at a carnival. It’s not like you’d be able to finish eating the “cotton candy” anyway because you’d probably just be so UNPREDICTABLY ZANY that you’d end up playing the bean bag toss or balloon darts game in order to OBTAIN RAFFLE TICKETS or a CARAMEL APPLE.
You lame lamesters. Get a life.
Anyways, DJ Fuji, being a Man Scout and all, thought that he could at least have been nice and just made them a fire, but for some reason, the trees at our mall are made out of plastic. They’re pretty big, too. I’m sure the designers must have had a lot of fun designing the shape, contour and size of those fake trees. It must have taken them a long time too.
When I grow up, I’m going to build a mall in three months with real trees. Really big real trees. But I’m going to wrap them all in saran-wrap so that they only look like they are made out of plastic. And when those designers come to me asking, “Yo, yo, yo, DJ Hadoken, how’d you get such beautiful trees so fast in your mall?” I’ll say, “I’m not telling you.” And then I will kick them out of my mall and they will be VERY LUGUBRIOUS because my trees will be so much better than theirs.
After that, I will hire a ghetto Smokey the Bear for my private mall army. Then when the lamesters ask me for “cotton candy”, I will tell them to go and try to start a fire with those trees. Smokey will then see them, and throw a bucket of water on them and give them an AUTHENTIC BEAR-HUGGING. While they agonize, Smokey will be like, “West Mall in da’ mall yo. Only YOU can prevent forest fires (in da’ ghetto mall).”
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
That is all.
Oh yah, go to The Adventure section, DJ Wang: The Ultimate Executioner is up. There is a new song up: The Ghetto Mouse along with a SPECIAL MYSTERY. I think you should listen to them and be happy.
End communication.
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