Outta Time (2002) Review

Mario Lopez holding a silver gun on the movie poster for Outta Time.

DJ Benvenuto the "pensative" Raccoon has this to say:

I really don’t have anything to say, but it’s the day before school starts and I feel like I should say something.

Somewhat over two months have passed and I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. Some of you may feel the same way, some of you may not. Of course, I just stated the obvious and the last two sentences are pretty much throwaways.

I worked all summer and I don’t really have anything to show for it. I probably ate my weight in fast food and that probably took a year or two off of my life. That isn’t something to be proud of... I think my heart... I need a heart transplant. A heart transplant is what I need. My heart...

Hmm.. maybe school isn’t a good topic to talk about... school... I’ll talk about movies. No, no, I’ll talk about a movie in particular. Outta Time.

A movie starring Mario Lopez A.K.A. A.C. Slater. Hey preppie. Quite a crapfest of a movie. No, that is too harsh. It was a bad movie but there are far worse movies out there, like The ButterCream Gang. Scream like a banshee before you see that movie. Dirty deed yourself and then beat it into a coma with a salami before you see its sequel.

Outta Time was by no means a good movie, but if it’s got A.C. Slater, you know you can at least make it fun. My main complaint with the movie was that on the promotion material they blatantly show him 2 or 3 times holding a big silver gun but nowhere in the movie does he even hold it. Much less shoot it. I was disappointed.

One thing that stands out, though, was the Big Mac dirty deeds scene. Slater scarfs down a Big Mac in under 10 seconds and proceeds to do the dirty deeds with some girl. Sexy. I popped a big one during that scene. Actually, I didn’t. I laughed. You must wonder if the girl’s netherlips smelled like McDonalds. I won’t continue, or else this would turn into some raunchy romance novel.

Another thought. Japanese people eat take-out food. They do, it’s true. Of course, that’s just common sense. People eat food. Doesn’t matter who you are. You eat food. Russians eat McDonalds. It’s true. Once again that’s also common sense.

Just because you’re a communist doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a Big Mac. Work hard for your government and share a Big Mac with your coworkers for the betterment of Mother Russia.

Now let’s take a moment to analyze my last statement. Russia is no longer communist but the stereotype remains to some extent. Stereotypes are bad. Don’t use them.

We all know that both you and me will continue to use stereotypes, so who gives a damn right...?

Now, how did I end up discussing stereotypes? I meant to talk about take-out food. What was I gonna say about it? It’s good. It gets a thumbs up on my behalf.

My name is the angel of dastardly deeds, I work at a bookstore, I hate my life and I’m mentally babbling.

My brain is empty for now.

It needs refilling.

Back cover of DVD with Mario Lopez holding a silver gun.


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