Carnevil: 6

A close-up photo of a roll of ticket stubs.

Original Young Adult Fiction

Written by The Funk Mistress

Part Six

“What are we going to do? How shall we save The Funk Mistress? Without her, there will be no one to contain the inextinguishable force of The Funk. We must rescue her from our foes, for the world’s sake, as well as our own!” exclaimed DJ Hadoken.

“Would you cut the eloquent crap?” asked DJ Wang.

“We need to save her. We get the point. Less talk, more action. What are we gonna do about this? I don’t know about you, but last time I checked, we didn’t have much money in our RIA fund. And even if we pool all our cash together, we’re still gonna come up short. I think what we need here is a plan,” DJ Wang pounded his fists together.

“We could try another RIA concert. At Super Fly’s again. I mean, he has that little stage. And he has cool stuff like a trampoline and a pool, and a table tennis thing,” said DJ Skittles.

“Yeah, I have a lot of cool stuff in my backyard. What does that have to do with saving The Funk Mistress?” asked Super Fly the Wise Guy.

DJ Skittles explained, “We could charge people for entry and food. Then, five minutes on the trampoline, a swim in the pool, stuff like that. Heck, we could even charge people for the table tennis. Ten bucks to use the table, and then a buck for each minute they use it.”

“Okay, good idea. But how do we get word out for the party?” asked DJ Fuji the Man Scout. “And we need people to man each area so we know people aren’t getting too much time for too little cash.”

DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon then interjected, “Easy. Ourselves and willing Poss members will put up posters. Then, while the band plays, we’ll have Poss members at each area. And we can stick Hulk Smashes in strategic areas to make sure no one sneaks in. And if someone is caught trying to sneak in, we charge them double.”

“Hey, I have an idea!” said DJ Wang.

“What?” asked Super Fly the Wise Guy.

DJ Wang looked at Guy the Manager, “Guy can steal a DDR machine. I mean, how hard could it be? Guy’s quick, and we could get a distraction going.”

Guy the Manager was excited by this idea but was starting to get worried, “Good idea! Let’s get started. I just hope The Funk Mistress is okay...”


Meanwhile, in Tinkles the Karate Bear’s hidden, underground headquarters...

“Man, you guys suck at poker. The way I’m beating you, I should have my own ransom in no time. By the way, Billy, thanks for the makeover. I can’t believe I was wearing those earrings with this shirt.”


Back in Riaopia...

The day of the event...

“Is the DDR machine in place?” asked DJ Hadoken.


“Trampoline? Hee-hee...”

“What’s so funny?”

“I said tramp.”

“Sigh... check.”



“Table tennis?”


“Strategically placed Hulk Smashes?”




“Let’s go then. Let the fans in, Super Fly!”

There was a great crash like thunder and suddenly the band was surrounded by fans. They rushed to the stage... well, all except DJ Skittles, because he loved the ladies.

“Skittles, flirt later. The Funk Mistress needs our help!” shouted DJ Benvenuto.

“Fine... but she owes me.”

“Super Fly’s backyard – are you ready to rock?!” screeched DJ Hadoken.


“Cool!” DJ Hadoken and the other RIA DJ’s busted out their air instruments and the RIA insanity began.

now back to the blog...

From the Skittles Shuffle, to the Hadoken Anthem; from I Don’t Want To Die At KFC, to $200 Doughnut; RIA sang it all, and they sang it well.

Fans were screaming, chicks were fainting, and a few pairs of panties were thrown on stage (though they looked more like dental floss since this is Miami and the ladies love thongs almost as much as they like RIA hotties).

Finally, the end came and the party was over.

Each member counted the money and counted again to be sure they were right. But alas, it was not enough. They only had $999,999.99.

“Oh my gosh! We didn’t make it! We’ve failed The Funk Mistress! What will we do? What will we do?” shouted DJ Skittles.

“Why – Why was I programmed to feel pain?!” sobbed Meta-Guy. DJ Hadoken looked around in disgust.

“Guys, it’s only a penny. Look,” DJ Hadoken said as he grabbed a penny from his wallet.

“Look, now we have a million dollars. Job well done. Let’s get The Funk Mistress back.”

DJ Wang shook his fist and said, “Dang you, Hadoken. Dang you and your math straight to Hades.”

Tune in next week for part seven of RIA’s amazing adventure, Carnevil.

I can’t think of anything funny to put here... Oh, go sod off! I’m doing this at six in the morning.


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