Carnevil: 5

A photo of a metal briefcase full of ransom money.

Original Young Adult Fiction

Written by The Funk Mistress

Part Five

When last we met our crazy cool crew, the resident Funk Mistress had just received a teddy bear as a prize from a midway game.

Little did she know that the bear she had won was none other than Tinkles the Karate Bear. And he was out to get RIA.

The band and its Poss decided that they liked it better at DJ Hadoken’s house and decided to go back there. It looked like it was going to rain anyway, so they might as well.

As our heroes left, they tried to avoid certain areas of the carnival for their own sake.

Places like the rubble that remained of the House of Mirrors, the wreckage of the Ferris wheel, and the dead hot dog stand man.

It seemed all their troubles were over as they left the carnival. It was too bad for them that their troubles were just beginning.


As The Funk Mistress walked down the block, she suddenly turned around and slapped DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon in the face.

“What was that for?!” he screamed.

“For smacking my arse! Stop pretending to be Gigolo Joe! Unless you’re gonna do the dance.”

“But -” he started to say.


A few moments later, The Funk Mistress turned around again. This time she slapped DJ Fuji the Man Scout.

“So it was you the whole time!” she yelled.

“It wasn’t me!” DJ Fuji yelled back. The Funk Mistress just turned around angrily.

“He can’t help it, Funk Mistress,” said DJ Wang. “His head is just too big for his own good!”

All was calm for a while, but then, she turned around and slapped DJ Skittles.

“Okay, yeah. That time it was me,” he replied.


Suddenly, a little boy jumped from a tree and landed on The Funk Mistress. The bear jumped out of The Funk Mistress’s arm and faced the shocked RIA crew.

“If you don’t disband and rid the world of your music within 24 hours, we will kill the girl!”

“Okay, okay! We’re through. Don’t hurt her!” yelled DJ Hadoken.

“Dude! What the heck are you saying?” whispered DJ Wang.

“Hey, screw you!” The Funk Mistress shouted, angrily. “I’m worth it.”

“Wang, we can just have a reunion after this guy leaves,” DJ Benvenuto said.

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, we’re through. We give up. You got us. Let her go.”

“It’s that easy?” asked Tinkles. “Well then. I want $1,000,000.”

“What the heck do you need a million bucks for? You’re a teddy bear!” said DJ Fuji.

“Well, yeah. But my sidekick Billy eats quite a lot. And he has expensive taste.”

“Alright, but we need more than a day to get that kind of cash,” said DJ Hadoken.

“Okay, you have a week. But I want it in unmarked bills.”

“Hey, this isn’t exactly a government operated thing we got going here. We can’t just call up the President and say ‘Hey, I have a cool million here. Can we exchange it for some unmarked ones?’ We can’t get unmarked ones,” said DJ Benvenuto.

“Alright. I’ll take marked bills. But don’t go blabbing to the government trying to track me down and stuff.”

“Get lost already so we can get your money,” DJ Wang tried to shush them away.

“Wait a minute!” exclaimed The Funk Mistress. “You aren’t even gonna try to fight them? What kind of idiots are you? You have a robot with you!”

They all gave her a blank look.

“You must be a special kind of stupid,” she sighed. “Send Meta-Guy to beat them up! He could literally beat the stuffing out of this guy and his stupid sidekick!”

“Run, Billy!” screamed Tinkles.

And with that, they disappeared with The Funk Mistress into the night (even though it was only about four o’clock).

now back to the blog...

Will RIA save their beloved Funk Mistress?

How will they raise $1,000,000?

Will they have a reunion?

And did Benny and Fuji really grab The Funk Mistress’s sweet, sweet arse?

These questions and more will be answered in the next episode of Carnevil!

Probably. Maybe. Okay, they won’t. But it sure will be a fun read.

Okay, so that’s not true either.

But read it anyway, so I feel special.

Tune in next week for part six of RIA’s amazing adventure, Carnevil.

Sweet little bumblebee, I know what you want from me! Sweet little bumblebee, you want some sweet punani!


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