Drive-By B*tching

A photograph of some stone chess pieces.

DJ Wang has this to say:

Well today was interesting.

DJ Hadoken and I were in Japanese class and still no teacher. But guess who was there? RIA’s newest enemy, Baldo.

He was patrolling the classroom, scanning for the student body. He later left because those school dancers were on their way to rehearsal. In his place we got a new security dufus, Old Grumpy Well-Fed Man. He had a belt buckle the size of A Capital City and a waistline to match.

The only reason I saw the belt buckle was because it was shiny and it wasn’t a Snickers wrapper.

He later left to get an early start on the food trucks that come by at lunch time. He had a good four hours head start.

Later, a new “Japanese teacher” arrived. He didn’t speak Japanese. But he did speak pig latin.

I responded with, “Uckitsay Upidstay”.

He later inquired about “Dr.” Taiwan Sensei (the Grenade-Throwing Japanese Language Instructor from Taiwan) and me and DJ Hadoken were like “Doctor?”.

I later determined that Taiwan Sensei has a PhD in “Ass whooping and Masu cookie!”

During lunch, we had a 3 vs 3 Pokemon battle. I was victorious against DJ Hadoken!


I was able to win with the aid of my favorite Pokemon, “Bear-Hug”-mon, B*tchamon, and Denialmon (I’m not a Pokemon) (Yes, you are!).

I was superior to my opponent because “Bear-Hug”-mon has a level 3 Shlug Hug and that easily destroyed Superiority Complex-mon.

DJ Hadoken sent out Guymon but I called back “Bear-Hug”-mon because I needed a fresh combatant.

So I sent out Denialmon. He did his best technique, Mind Games. He continued his assault until Guymon was so confused that he gave up on his own.

I was in good shape. I had three fighting Pokemon in near excellent health. DJ Hadoken only had one left. He was going to go to the Home For Infinite Losers.

He sent out his last Pokemon, Humon. Humon was a rare breed. He was very energetic and easily excitable.

I had to put an end to this. So I brought Denialmon back in a headlock and sent out B*tchamon.

Humon slammed B*tchamon but B*tchamon retaliated with his Drive-By B*tching.

Humon fell to the ground and I was declared the winner!

Later on, after the bell rang, I met up again with the RIA band and the Poss and we were planning to move some benches to the place where we devour food (as well as knowledge. History books are too bitter to eat without seasoning).

But I had to run a top secret mission to a halfway house for robots. So they moved the benches this time without me, unfortunately.

And that is the end of the day, so farewell funkatronians.


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