Army of Marxists: Script

An image featuring a screenshot from the RIAfunk original communist zombie movie, "Army of Marxists", that shows a sheet of paper that has the message "You're Fired. Management." handwritten on it with a doodle of some flames beneath the message.

Army of Marxists: Script
Original Communist Zombie Movie

Written by BurpingCat and HolyPony

copyright © RIAfunk and 2003

Act One
- Thesis -
The Capitalist Life

SCENE ONE: Meeting Room

We open the movie in the middle of a meeting of the Supreme Board of Directors.

The Supreme Board of Directors are a panel of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the nation. They sit in a dimly lit room, and it’s too dark to see their faces, only their bodies. They are all sitting in serious poses, closely watching and discussing what is in front of them.

On their large and expensive TV, they watch the events of the entire Capitalist world.

From the rise and fall of international markets, to the actions of a single worker that has caught their attention for one reason or another...

Chairman of the Board: (referring to the TV)
Is this the one you mentioned?

Board Member:
Yes, our analysts have predicted that this one will cause a profit loss that will take 3 weeks to recover.

We see the TV screen.

The person in question, the Doctor (our Marxism hero), is shown ordinarily walking around the hospital, filling out paperwork, using the vending machine with bloody gloves, and playing the game “Operation”.

The entire sequence is shown from secret security camera-style angles, with the camera zooming in on details as necessary.

Chairman of the Board: (in slight disgust)
This Great Nation has no tolerance for inefficiency. Transmit the necessary papers and carry out the termination. I expect a full report in the morning.

Board Member: Immediately, Sir.

As the board member says “Immediately, Sir”, we again see the TV monitoring the Doctor.

The Doctor is walking towards a door and opening it. As the door closes, the scene switches to the “real” view of the Doctor, who continues walking to the office.

SCENE TWO: Hospital

As the Doctor approaches her own office, a mysterious, professional-looking man walks out from it.

When the man sees the Doctor, he quickly turns away and leaves. The Doctor looks puzzled, and hurries to see what was going on in her office.

The Doctor walks in and sees termination papers already laying on her desk, which has had everything removed from it. The Doctor notices that all of her belongings have already been removed from her office and put into boxes, which are laying near the door.

Somebody is already standing at the door, holding it open and waiting to escort her out of the building.

The Doctor: (completely shocked)
What on Earth is going on here?! (or something like that)

The person standing at the door says nothing and just looks at her, expectantly.

The Doctor takes the termination papers, drops them in the boxes, and then picks them up and walks out the door in a huff.

The escort follows and the door closes. End of scene.

SCENE THREE: Doctor’s Home

The Doctor is on a lazy boy chair, reading the newspaper.

She starts thinking about what they did to her. How could they fire her just like that?

She continues reading the paper, which is full of current issues regarding jobs and finance.

She wants to take a stand, any sort of stand. She sets her mind on returning to the hospital.

now back to the blog...

Act Two
- Antithesis -
The Infidel’s Death (and more death)

SCENE ONE: Hospital

We see the entrance to the hospital.

The Doctor has returned to get some sort of vengeance. With the termination papers in her hand, she walks right in, past the reception desk, straight to the elevators.

She has her mind set on going straight to the Hospital Director’s office and giving him a piece of her mind.

Receptionist: (screaming from the back of the desk)
Hey! You can’t be in here!

The Doctor ignores the Receptionist and gets in the elevator. She hits the button for the top floor.

The camera shows the floor indicator of the elevator, and it’s counting up. However, it stops short of the top floor.

The doors open and 3 doctors appear on the other side of the door. The doctors appear well-dressed in their typical doctor robes, with well-combed hair and an intellectual look.

They walk inside the elevator, standing upright and surrounding The Doctor.

They wait for the elevator door to close.

Doctor 1: (soon after the door closes)
Why are you here? You were terminated yesterday. You have no place here.

The Doctor:
It’s not fair! They fired me for no reason! What am I supposed to do now? I want to see the Director!

Doctor 2:
This hospital has no tolerance for inefficiency. You will leave now.

Doctor 3:
(says something cheesy... I need more ideas)

The 3 doctors suddenly pull out their scalpels.

Behind the closed doors of the elevators, they dastardly deed the Doctor and leave her there to die. The elevator doors open and they walk out, like nothing happened.

SCENE TWO: Funeral

The Doctor is buried in a shallow grave on land that is the farthest thing from being holy.

The only person there for her funeral is the person burying her. He does a quick job, and we see the classic camera angle of from inside the grave, with the gravedigger tossing dirt on the last patch of uncovered hole, which the camera is looking out of.

That last bit of dirt covers the camera, and everything goes dark for a few seconds.

Later that night, the burial site is looking very ominous. Something very creepy is in the air. Suddenly, a hand rises from the grave...


“Moscow Calling” by Gorky Park, a Russian-sounding rock song by real Russians, starts playing as the movie’s title appears: “<TITLE GOES HERE>”

We switch back to the grave, and The Doctor fully unearths her body from the grave. She looks like she has just woken up, and is very confused.

She looks up and sees a wise-looking being, The Necromancer, standing in front of her. He is looking down at her, waiting for her to regain composure.

The Necromancer:
Do you know why I have brought you back?

She remembers the elevator, the doctors, and being dastardly deeded. This is shown really exaggerated.

The Necromancer:
You remember the faces of the men that dastardly deeded you. Now, I have granted you the chance for retribution.

I have raised you from the dead and given you a second chance. However, you are not a exactly a “zombie”.

In time, you will learn just what you are...

The Doctor stands up and dusts herself off. Meanwhile, The Necromancer reaches for something and holds it out to her.

The Necromancer:
Please take this SWORD OF RETRIBUTION. Use it to exact justice on the ones that have wronged you.

After three days, return here and discover more about your new fate.

now back to the blog...

The Doctor takes the sword and curiously looks at it, then looks up. The Necromancer has disappeared.

The Doctor looks around, but doesn’t see him anywhere.

The Doctor walks off.



The Doctor arrives at the hospital again, but now looks pretty disheveled.

The Doctor and the audience don’t realize it, but if the Capitalists have only one incredible skill, it’s detecting the Undead.

The Doctor walks in to the reception area, SWORD OF RETRIBUTION in hand.

The Receptionist stares at The Doctor, frozen in fear over what is walking past her. She doesn’t say a word, she’s much too deep in shock.

The Doctor approaches the elevators without any trouble. She gets in and once again presses the button for the top floor.

Like Deja Vu, the elevator stops short on the same floor, and the same 3 doctors appear on the other side. They step back, also in shock.

The Doctor exits the elevator and dastardly deeds all 3 of them.

The elevator door closes. End of scene.

SCENE FOUR: News Station

A Channel 1 News Broadcast begins.

News Reporter:
Early today a mysterious string of dastardly deeds occurred at the Hospital. Police found the bodies of the Hospital Director, three doctors, and even the Receptionist, all massacred with what police believe was a sword.

Police are asking anyone with any tips to contact their local police department.

The scene changes to the large, expensive TV in the meeting room of the Supreme Board of Directors. The Board are watching the news broadcast.

Scene: TV
News Reporter announces story of zombies walking around the country, dastardly deeding upper class citizens.

Scene: Rally
Doctor dastardly deeds one more person. Rally of zombies are behind her.

Out of the crowd emerges The Necromancer, to bring back the dead and revive them into Marxists.

The End


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