Carnevil: 8

A photo of a large blue minivan.

Original Young Adult Fiction

Written by The Funk Mistress

Part 8

“Well, it seems that all our worries are over,” sighed The Funk Mistress's Funk apprentice Pril.

“The band got to have a concert, there are no more ‘Gatorade and milk’ complaints, and The Funk Mistress is back. Add in a little Irish Street Brawl violence, and it seems it’s been a pretty good day for everyone.”

“But doesn’t something seem a little off?” asked Super Fly the Wise Guy. “It’s like something’s been left undone. Something is unfinished.”

“Super Fly’s right. But what could it be?” asked DJ Wang.

“Oh crap!” exclaimed DJ Hadoken. “The first day of school starts in twenty minutes!”

“Maguire!” screamed The Funk Mistress to her brother. “Can you take us to school? We only have twenty minutes left and we’re twice as far from our local high school as that.”

“Hop in. This’ll be close, but I can pull it off,” Maguire grabbed his keys.

With that, all the gang from RIA piled into The Funk Mistress’s brother’s minivan. And let me tell you, there was nothing mini about it.

To top that off, the whole bunch of them were at the local high school in ten minutes.

That’s right, boys and girls. Maguire can fly. Just as The Funk Mistress is the Master of Funk, Maguire is the Master of the Space Time Continuum. And yes, continuum is spelt correctly.

Anyway, the group got to school on time and everything was fine and dandy. And then things got weird, well, weirder.

C’mon, this is RIA we’re talking about.

Everything is weird with them.

And so ends the tale of Carnevil and begins that of RIA: School Daze...

RIA: School Daze


As all the RIA members went off to class, so did The Funk Mistress head off to her AP American History class and The Funk Mistress's Funk apprentice Pril to her acting class.

As they trudged to their own personal hells, they couldn’t help but notice something Funky in its own right.

And what’s worse, this was NOT an authorized use of the FUNK. Any unauthorized uses of The Funk were prohibited and severely punished.

So what was this amazing travesty of FUNKiness?

This slap in the face to the FUNK nobility?

This really annoying thing that could put an effervescent exercise guru to shame?

It may just have been the over abundance of Hulk Smashes, but this funk was more likely coming from the direction of Pretty Boy.

And this wasn’t the good kind of funk either. For what good funk can come from Pretty Boy?

This wasn’t the kind of funk one displays when dancing a hoopla round of DDR as in, “Man, look at DJ Fuji playing DDR! He’s so Funky! I bet it’s the Meat Lover’s Pizza!”

No, this was funk as in, “Man, that’s some funky shite they’re paying Hulk Smash to eat!”

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But, everything Pretty Boy does is Funky in a bad way. He’s a poopie head. Blah, we don’t like him.”

In fact, right now, all the people reading this are probably going into convulsions just thinking of the wretched and vile Pretty Boy.

But trust me, this was far worse than usual.

For around Pretty Boy’s neck, hanging proudly like a medal of honor, was a teddy bear’s eye. An eye identical to the one that The Funk Mistress had in her pocket. An eye salvaged from the ragged remains of a teddy bear beaten to death by an angry Irish brother protecting his sister.

And for those of you too stupid to realize what I’m talking about (i.e. all you Hulk Smashes out there), Pretty Boy had in his possession Tinkles the Karate Bear’s other eye.


Tune in next week for part one of RIA’s amazing adventure, RIA: School Daze!

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A prize to whoever can give me the answer.


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