Not Japanese!



The Korean movie poster for The Last Emperor (1987).

DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon has this to say:

Seeing as how we’re on the topic of Japanese.

I’d like to take a minute and point out the school’s ignorance on this subject.

As you all probably know by now, our beloved Japanese SUPER SAMURAI SENSEI a.k.a.Taiwan Sensei (the Grenade-Throwing Japanese Language Instructor from Taiwan) is M.I.A. so my class has been stuck watching totally lamester movies that have nothing to do with Japanese!

First it was “THE LAST EMPEROR”!!!! Which is about some NON-JAPANESE little CHINESE boy emperor?!?!?!

They also wanted us to write a LAMESTER SUMMARY about it.

Of course, I took advantage of the situation to write doo-doo. It started out with me stating that this is a JAPANESE class NOT a CHINESE class. Then, I went into an in-depth comparison between “THE LAST (FREAKIN’ NOT-JAPANESE) EMPEROR” and STAR WARS.

That was quite interesting, needless to say. To top it all off, I finished it with “I miss Taiwan Sensei. Where’s Taiwan Sensei? Oh, how I miss Taiwan Sensei. MOMMY? Where’s Taiwan Sensei?”

I wish those people in the office read my essay. But I doubt they’ll ever even touch it. They’ll just say “HA! Another lamester little Japanese student did his busy work.” Then they’ll probably burn it, while chanting and dancing around that lamester PRETTY BOY.

Then came a documentary about CHINA!?!?!? Once again, NOT JAPAN!!!!

Lastly, came the biggest INSULT.

A 60 minute FREAKIN’ documentary about “THE FREAKIN’ HIMALAYAS”.

First of all, you may be thinking, “Well, at least it’s remotely Asian.”

Well, let me tell you this, buddy, it was horrible!!!

IT WAS MORE ABOUT THE HINDU CULTURE AND RELIGION
THAN ANYTHING REMOTELY JAPANESE!!

WHAT THE HELL WERE THESE PEOPLE IN THE OFFICE THINKING?
“NOT JAPANESE, BUT ALL THOSE ASIANS...”
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

Man. Everyday PRETTY BOY and his lamester crew are bothering me more and more!!

One day I might just barge in with my BEATIN’ GUITAR and dastardly deed Pretty Boy and BALDO in their rear-ends!

Just in case you haven’t heard of my Beatin’ Guitar before, it’s basically a big metal guitar of DASTARDLINESS!!!

It’s wrapped in rusty barbed wire and it’s lined with nails everywhere but the handle. Quite a nice musical instrument (even though it has no strings) come to think of it.

By the way, I am neither a pokemon nor Denialmon!

That’s about it, I suppose.

I just must state that RIA is in search of a LACKEY or LACKEYS.

We need a lackey that will do absolutely anything we tell them to!

By ANYTHING we mean ANYTHING except anything too dirty deedish.

It is preferable that you be able to run fast because you’re gonna be doin’ a lot of it after we tell you to do things.

One more requirement is that you disavow all knowledge of us if you get caught.

If interested, contact us during lunch time or post a message on the board.

ANYONE is welcome (MALE OR FEMALE OR ???)!

I suppose that’s about it.

So remember, if you see Pretty Boy, punch him in the stomach!

But don’t blame RIA!


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