nothing useful. as usual.

A Kodak Easy Share CX7430 with its lens protruding outwards.

The Funk Mistress has this to say:

I have crawled out from under a pile of exams and rather long papers in order that I may update the site. All for you. You should feel so special. I’m sure you’re thrilled to hear I did well on all the exams. The jury is still out on the papers though.

After crawling out from under said mountain of exams, I realized I still have made no video. And here is why: my camera is out of commission. Oh, it still works, but in its own special and irritating way. Like the elderly. It’s finicky and stubborn and used to walk five miles in the snow to get to school. And like the homemade naughtiness I TOLD DJ Hadoken to destroy, I have to perform obscene gestures on the shutter with my index finger to get any sort of reaction at all.

I am currently working to remedy the situation:

Kodak Easy Share CX7430, I think we need to see other people.
You need to see the garbage man and I need to see a camera salesperson.
Quit using my toothbrush and give me back all my CDs.”

Did you know that Halloween is coming up? It is. It is tomorrow. My dog is going to be a witch. She has a little hat and a little black tutu and she straight up hates it. She is miserable in it and I don’t care ’cause she looks cute. And as her mother it is my job to force her to wear uncomfortable outfits. Just as my mother did before me and her mother did before her.

What am I looking forward to most on Halloween? The dog pisses everywhere when she gets excited and she gets real excited when she sees strangers. There is gonna be a lot of rayon and lycra getting soaked in dog pee on my front door this year.

Tricks? Treats? I don’t see why I should only give America’s youth one when I can indulge them in both. Kit Kats and Dog Whiz for all!

Also, the title of my post is a lie. Here is a useful tip: never VOMIT on the Funk Mistress’s van of power. It makes her very, very angry and breaks her heart a little. And then her daddy stands outside saying cuss words while he hoses the wonder van down.

No, RIAfians, I did not make that up. I wish I did, but I didn’t.

Last night someone really tricked their treats onto my car.


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